As a family, we've ridden the health roller coaster with dad for sometime now. From chronic hypertension to bypass heart surgery to cancer, he's endured plenty of adversity on the health front. Compared to what dad has been through, a knee replacement seems so simple. Yet I worry.
Despite his health issues and the urging of family, friends and doctors, my dad has stubbornly refused to change his lifestyle. He remains staunchly sedentary and for the most part recognizes nothing in the fruit and green vegetable categories as remotely edible.
I don't mean to sit here in judgement, casting stones at my dad and the multitudes out there like him. They lead by example. Sadly it's an example of what NOT to do, but an example all the same.
My dad inspires me to keep moving and making (mostly) good food choices, even on days when the idea of flopping down on the couch and giving in to a bag of chips and a cupcake or three is oh so alluring.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit to feeling a sense of helplessness and frustration though. Any good thoughts you can spare for my stubborn dad today are much appreciated.
How much of our health is genetic and how much of it is lifestyle choice?
Why are some people motivated to change while others are not?
Lucy Yoga Pants giveaway ends tonight!
Chicago Marathon registration opened today--are you in?
I really don't know the answer of your first question. I went to a lecture (I'm an eye doctor) earlier in the year and the lecturer said that it was 90/10. 10% we can have an effect on by lifestyle. I'm not sure I believe him. (I should have asked for his source.)
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe that I am doing all this work for only 10% chance of making a difference. I personally (with absolutely no science to back me up at all) think it has to be more in the 50/50 range.
At least that's what I'm going to tell myself.
I wish your dad the best outcome and a quick recovery.
I just had this conversation with my husband about my own dad. He could easily reverse the effects of diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol with diet and exercise but instead he complains about his health and tells me I'm crazy for racing and makes random strange comments about my healthy eating habits. I am beyond frustrated! But that doesn't make me love him any less.
ReplyDeleteThinking of your dad and your family today. I hope the surgery goes well!
I think health is a good mix of both, but healthy choices goes pretty far in reversing our risks. There are a lot of heart issues in my family line, and I wonder about that too. Change is so hard! I know it doesn't work to preach at my parents, but they've made some changes along the way... I'll be thinking of you, and him. Hope the surgery goes well!
ReplyDeleteBest wishes and thoughts for your family today!
ReplyDeleteI know from experience how hard it can be to see a loved one live such an unhealthy lifestyle. My mom was one of seven and while most of my aunts and uncles are overweight, my mom was super obese (600 pounds) and suffered from myriad conditions associated with her weight. The only one of the seven. So it's hard to say whether it's genetic or lifestyle. I think it's both.
Seeing how her weight destroyed her and, to an extent, our relationship motivates me to be healthy. I want to be an example to my son and someone he can be proud of.
all my best for you today. focus on the love and comfort you can offer your Father as his Daughter. encirle about him with all that. sounds like he has brought up a great daughter in this world. celebrate that to the up most!! have a great day!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you (and your Dad) today, and kudos to you for setting a good example for your kids. It's hard to watch loved ones do nothing to better themselves, mostly because we love them so much and want them around for as long as possible. I hope everything goes smoothly...
ReplyDelete(registered for Chicago! here's hoping it's NOT HOT!)
Thinking of your dad today!
ReplyDeleteSadly, my husband is the one with these issues and a big combination of chosen helplessness (I can't exercise bc....[fill in the blank]) and stubborn bad eating (pop-tarts for breakfast most days, Froot Loops are just as healthy as these other cereals...just look at the side of the box). It's very frustrating, and it's sad bc he isn't happy with how he looks/feels but refuses to do anything about it.
I don't know how much an active lifestyle and healthy living offset the genetic hand we're dealt, but even if it's 0% I'll still take it just for the changes in how I feel physically and mentally.
Cicago is already open????????? Crap. I now need to get moving and look at the details.
ReplyDeleteHope your Dad's surgery goes perfect!
I can totally relate to you in a scarily similar fashion...
ReplyDeleteI know there are a lot of genetic factors that you can't fix but if I do everything I can to stay healthy AND enjoy life and still have something happen to me...then so be it. I never want to be in that position where I could have done something and just didn't.
I felt a lot better about myself over Christmas when my fam 'berated' me for being vegetarian..while they sat smoking and joking about my running. I still in in that case..
Good thoughts for your (stubborn) Dad :) More and more as my parents get older I wonder about that. They seem to have all sorts of medical issues. Some times it seems like their life is scheduled around doctor's appointments. I would *hope* that healthy living would count for a lot. I mean if all those people on Biggest Loser can come off their various meds by jumping on the healthy train, there has to be something to that, right? I guess you just do what you can with what is in your control and hope for the best in terms of genetics.
ReplyDeleteSuch a frustrating thing Marcia and I can completely relate. My Dad is the exact same way. Luckily not as bad as yours but he definitely struggles with understanding healthy eating and it is so frustrating to me. I wish your Dad the best of luck with his surgery today. Knee replacements require a lot of healing and physical therapy so maybe that will motivate him to get on track.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about my family. Don't they want to do everything they can to live healthy lives?
ReplyDeletePrayers to your dad today!
My father (obese, high blood pressure, risk of heart attack / stroke) hasn't gone to the doctor in 20 years. I hound him everytime I talk to him. I worry about that call in the middle of the night.
ReplyDeletePrayers for your dad.
I am sending prayers for your father.
ReplyDeleteugh, i feel you. I struggle with both of my parents (divorced). My sister and I are very active. both of my parents’ weight yo-yos. and it has my entire life. I grew up on many different diets-simply bc they were doing them. My mom is currently attempting WW and my dad “watches what he eats”--he should be better bc he had a heart attack scare 8 years ago but seems to be a bit more relaxed now. When i go home to AL i want to clean out each of their cabinets. I do think my struggle with my waistline is genetic-they both carry their weight in the middle--but i do my best to take care of it. I do my best with them and try to be really supportive when they do start their health kicks.
ReplyDeleteprayers for your dad. don’t know if he lives close to you but my only thought is cooking up healthy meals and hiding the veggies like you would do with a kid. :)
Sadly enough, my dad is much the same. He lives in Queens and is always on me to mail him cigaretts because they're cheaper where I live. He's always into the doctor about his heart. He won't give up.
ReplyDeleteI found it amazing what the human body can endure. Ultra running to a pack a smokes a day.
Taking care of oneself is a work in progress.
My mom is the same way - the biggest problem is at a certain point I'm not sure it's reversible.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder too how much is genetic v. lifestyle - my mother is the same way, and like you I've just come to use her as an example of what not to do. It's frustrating.
ReplyDeleteWishing your dad all the best!
Oh that's a tough one. Your dad sounds very similar to mine in the stubbornness. If he does or doesn't want to do something there isn't anything anyone else can say to stop him. Hope the surgery goes well and he (wishfully thinking) has a change of heart!
ReplyDeleteI hope your dad is OK.
ReplyDeleteAt least on paper, your dad sounds similar to my fatherinlaw who suffered from COPD and emphasema. He was also obese, had had a quintuple bypass, knee replacement....and yet, continued with his bad habits (smoking included).
And his son, my husband, runs marathons. Go figure.
Thinking of your dad and hoping he is okay!
ReplyDeleteWe have family in similar situations and just have to use it as a lesson to take care of ourselves, like you are. I try to help and I cannot. Wanting to be healthy has to come from within, right?
No Chicago for me this year!
I'm at the library so I could get a few blogs read...pathetic, yes, but I need my fix :).
ReplyDeleteYour dad and mine sound like identical twins... lost my dad about 8 years ago and it's still painful to see what those bad habits can do to you. Keep me posted! You guys are in my thoughts and prayers!
My father-in-law was the stuck one. Even after a couple of heart attacks and a stroke, he didn't want to make any changes.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I do my best to learn from his mistakes.
I'll be thinking of your dad and hope all goes well :)
It is literally never too late to change. Your dad will likely be able to reduce or discontinue Type II diabetes medication within just WEEKS of adopting a low-fat plant-based diet. I would never stop urging him to change his ways, even if it is just for 6 weeks. If after 6 weeks he doesn't feel better, then the heck with it and go back to the burgers and fries... Worth giving it a try! There are some very good case studies on www.drmcdougall.com
ReplyDeletethinking of your dad dear friend and hoping the surgery goes well. i can relate as i often worry about both my parents and worried about my grandfather for the same reason. i have been proud of myself, my brother and my sister for making the choice to be healthy and active!
ReplyDeletethinking of you and your fam!
Unfortunately we can't help people who don't wanna help themselves, but we can Trick them! Try making some foods with healthy stuff in them or offering to make dinner, and it's all healthy stuff. Every little bit helps.
ReplyDeleteI hope your dad is doing okay. You are setting an example for him.
ReplyDeleteOn another note I had some of that Kirkland tuna tonight - delish!
My mom just had a knee replacement last September. She finally just got cleared so that she doesn't have to go back anymore!
ReplyDeleteShe lost 100+ lbs about 2 years ago and has kept it off. She said she changed for her grandkid - she wanted to be able to play with him and be alive to see him have kids. It's pretty amazing what she's done for herself. But she had to want to change. She had tried so many times before this to lose the weight and it never stuck. This time she did it for her.
Best of luck to your Dad and your family.
ReplyDeleteMy parents are pretty active people for the most part. The problem the have is with healthy eating- lots of refined food. No fruit and veggie variety and what they do eat is typically canned or bottled. Plus they eat a ton of sugary treats. My Mom often laments about her weight and then openly admits her refusal to change get ways.
That stubborn trait will get you if your other genes don't.
I'm just grateful that I have a hobby that happens to promote a healthy lifestyle.
Good luck to your dad in healing from his surgery. My mom is very similar in having poor health and motivates me to not be like her. It makes me so sad to think the way I do, but unfortunately, I have done all I can do to help her and she doesn't listen.
ReplyDeleteMy Dad's the same. Hypertensive and obese, had a heart attack but still hasn't changed his lifestyle. I'll be thinking of you today and hoping for the best outcome for your Dad. Can't help with the worrying, though - but we only worry cause we love them.
ReplyDeleteHey Ms. M! I'm sending good thoughts your way and your dad's. I understand completely. My mom (who used to be super active and athletic) is now overweight, eats way too many potato chips and drinks far too much white zin. Both her knees have given out on her. I don't know how to even approach talking to her about changing things up, exercising more and getting the crap out of her diet. I keep hoping she'll come around to it on her own....
ReplyDeleteSending prayers your way. Having a loved one have surgery is stressful. My good friend is also obese and has really bad knees. I can give him blunt feedback (read rude) because we are good friends (and he does it to me). He still hasn't changed.
ReplyDeletePrayers for your dad today!!
ReplyDeleteI am from a family where all but three people are morbidly obese! Those three people are my brother, my Dad and I my Mom is working desperately on it and I must commend her but the rest of her family (there are 10 of her siblings) are all dibiatec and more than 100 pounds over weight. My 11 year old cousin ways 243 and wears a 3x it saddens me to no end. They all have a multitude of issues and the all claim it's genetic.....they think I am a total fitness nut job (clearly I am not as I am struggling to rid myself of baby weight and easily succumb to the couch and some Doritos) but when I am feeling weak on a run all I think about is proving them wrong!! SOOOOOOO wrong....I totally get where your coming from!!! Hugs to you!
It must be so difficult to see the way he lives and not being able to do anything about it.
ReplyDeleteMy ENTIRE immediate family smokes (parents + 3 siblings) and I just want to SHAKE them somethings... alas, there is only so much I can say.
I hope surgery went well and that your Dad has a strong recovery!
Praying for your dad! I hope you can continue to live as an example to him and that he will come around to the "lessons" you are trying to teach him.
ReplyDeletegood luck for your dad! Make sure he lets his therapist bend his knee after. I got in a HUGE argument with a patient today who wouldn't let us bend her haha
ReplyDeleteNow I know that the surgery went well and I am glad. Of course you are right, the lifestyle is very important to stay healthy. Maybe the passive physical training can help too.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes.